England 0-0 Algeria

Posted: June 18, 2010 in England

Notes from the District Line:

Joy? England? Hello? What a load of old shit, our World Cup lasted four minutes then died on its arse. Even Greece have shown themselves capable of enterprising football but we are just balls, giant balls.

Four years ago we were fucking shit but at least Hargreaves played well. Four years on and we’re still shit and no-one has played well. Ok so it was a great World Cup until England played and oh my fucking god they were terrible.

Officially we are probably worse than the Yanks and fucking Slovenia. What is the point? Seriously why bother? No wonder Benitez et al import all these shit foreigners, yes they’re shit but at least they work for a bit less than shit English players.

Jesus fucking Christ.

No goals no chance no surprises.

Pity the poor motherfuckers who watched that expecting something similar to the fare served up by every other team in the last few days. Fuck you.

We are the boil on the arse of this World Cup, you can’t kill us but we are indefinably the worst thing here and the sooner we are gone the more comfortable you will be. There should be ointments to erase us.

I am so so sorry right now. I envy you and your joyful World Cups, unburdened by expectation or the fact that you’re just fucking shit. Oh what is the point. Four years ago we were awful and four years on we’re as bad. Except we got to the quarterfinals in 2006. Now we’ll exceed expectation to make the second frigging round. Except last time there were a few things to cheer.

Four minutes.

Four minutes. We’re gone.

Over to you Switzerland, Mexico, Paraguay and every other frigging team that it’s more enjoyable to support.

Fuck all the casual “oh well England will lose” fans in this country, what do you fucking know what it is to care about football and the three lions and youth and manhood? Go back to your fucking free Evening Standards and discussions about the second series of Glee and whatever brand your fucking handbag is. Fuck you, this matters to millions and don’t you dare write this off as just a game.


We’re not out and we’re not in and we’re fucked either way. We could still beat Slovenia and appallingly go through from this fucking awful group.

0-1 or 0-0 it’s fucking inevitable.

At least this passed a tube journey.


  1. Robert Burkhill says:

    Ben, it appears that your vocabulary has slipped into the gutter in this charming post about our motherland 🙂

    Did you really expect any different? I mean, really?

  2. […] I’ve defaulted to my World Cup skin. I feel more comfortable ranting in this […]

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